Thursday, November 24, 2011

Kerala Dam Bursts, Millions Dead, Millions Homeless

Note: This post is NOT TRUE! Not yet, anyway! But given the state of the Mullaperiyar Dam this could be breaking news right now!

Special Correspondent
Any Time, Any Date, 2011

The never-ending dispute between the State Governments of Tamil Nadu and Kerala over the Mullaperiyar Dam has finally come to an abrupt end (as expected!) with the collapse of the Dam, killing millions of Keralites and washing away 5 complete districts (and partially affecting surrounding areas), into the Arabian Sea in under 10 minutes. The water from the reservoir is said to have reached speeds of ~120 kmph and above, as it seared through the heart of Kerala, washing away everything that stood in its way and completely flooding the districts of Idukki, Kottayam, Pathanamthitta, Ernakulam and some parts of Alappuzha.

A government spokesperson has said that it is not possible to "even give an estimate of the loss of life and property at this point. The damage is probably more than what was caused by the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami.", he said.

The Tamil Nadu Chief Minister and a team of officials flew over the affected areas in their new, snazzy, helicopter and analyzed the situation. When asked for a comment, TN Chief Minister said with a wink, "So, when are we building the new dam?" Other officials accompanying her refused to comment on the same. One official who refused to be quoted said, "Wow! So this is why you people called the dam a ticking-water-bomb, eh! Funny name!"

The people of Tamil Nadu have come out in hordes blaming the Kerala Government of purposefully destroying the dam. They said that it involved the hidden agenda of not sharing the water with them. A angry activist in Chennai said, "Do you think we people are dumb? They did this purposefully. Just wait and watch, we will not let a single load of food grains cross over to Kerala." When asked about the loss of lives in Kerala due to this tragedy, he retorted, "What loss of life? We don't even have water now? Lives will be lost here too!" They have vowed to burn any Kerala vehicle in Tamil Nadu and all Keralites living there, until they build a new dam. "Run for your lives, Mallus! We are coming for you!", said another activist.

The Opposition Party Leader, the Prime Minister and the President of India (in the order of their powers) have said that this is a really sad event. And that they will build another dam soon which will have an expiry date of 20 years and will be leased again to Tamil Nadu for 400 years. One MP has tweeted that, "What is this nonsense about dead Keralites. As far as I know, half of them are in Gulf countries! LOL!"

International help is pouring in from all corners of the world in cash and kind. Sources at Tihar Jail have said that Suresh Kalmadi and A.Raja have applied for 'emergency bail'. "We do not want all that international aid money falling into the wrong hands, when we are sitting here, now do we?" was Kanimozhi's reaction to the whole incident. "Was Trivandrum affected? Is that rich temple still intact?", inquired a very concerned Kalmadi.

The Supreme Court has appointed a 7-member panel to look into the accusations of TN government on a possible sabotage by Kerala Government. It has also appointed a 5-member council to take estimates of the damage, a 6-member panel to check the environmental effects of this tragedy, and a 2-member elite council to take care of all the above mentioned panels. It has also appointed a 10-member advisory panel to decide the tasks for all the other councils/panels.

The Political Youth Icon of India, Sri. R.Gandhi said, "What Kerala? Where? What happened?"

Note: Please read and support Mr.James Wilson's blog for further information and mythbusters!

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Disclaimer: This blog has no ulterior motives and does not intend to offend people of any caste, religion, state, or country. This is just fiction!


  1. Thanks bro.. U r alws an inspiration... :)

  2. Living in constant fear is an understatement. how can we make the authorities do something??

  3. Well these people ( are doin sumthin... Hope they get noticed...



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