Sunday, December 25, 2011

Crimes Against Mallmunity

Mallmunity - Derived from the words "Mallu" (for Malayalees) and "Community"; it simply means the Mallu Community!

Crimes Against Mallmunity (C.A.M) - Things that happened to the people of Kerala though they never wanted to be a part of it.

CAM Scale - A lot like "Richter Scale" this is used to measure the damage done on a mallu mind. Therefore a 5.0 on the CAM Scale is less destructive than a 10.0 (which is total annihilation!)
Here are a list of 5 things that have deeply affected the average Mallu mind in ascending order of magnitude:

C.A.M. 5:
With a mere 2.0 on the CAM Scale is Television anchor and host of the reality show Idea Star Singer, Ms. Ranjini Haridas, kick-starting the countdown at number 5. She ventured into Television after a brief career in modeling and winning the Miss Kerala Pageant in 2000. She thinks she does not know Malayalam and knows only English, when in fact it is the other way round. She is the queen of fake accents (in both languages) and believes that people actually like the crap that she shows on TV. Sadly, there is no cure for this syndrome!

C.A.M 4:
Registering 4.0 on the CAM Scale, famous Malayalam movie actor, Mr. Prithviraj Sukumaran at number 4! Being an actor of just average capacity, he is not hated for his acting skills. This being the time where Mallus around the world have started realizing that the old "superheroes" have got to go, sooner or later. So we welcomed Prithvi (fondly called by haters as Prithvirajappan) to the centre stage. Soon he became more famous (than his more talented brother) and became quite the youth icon. Everything was fine in "Prithviland" until fame got to his head! Now he thinks that people adore him and that he is the most talented person in Kerala.

C.A.M. 3:
Registering 6.0 on the CAM Scale and causing considerable damage to the image of malayalees worldwide, is (in)famous (ex-)Indian Cricketer, Mr. S. Sreesanth at number 3 in the countdown. He is actually capable of reaching number one position, but his race to that spot has been abruptly cut short (thankfully) by the BCCI by not selecting him in any squads at all. Hated by the opposition and his own team equally, he knows how to get on anyone's nerves! Once again, not that bad a bowler, but the unbearable person that he is, he was loved until he opened his mouth to speak in interviews!

C.A.M. 2:
With a whopping 8.0 magnitude on the CAM Scale, we have Mr. Harishankar (of Silsila fame) at number 2. He is the one all-rounder who shot to fame with just one song, thanks to YouTube and other social networking sites. The amount of "verbal punishments" he received through comments and calls has made him take the back seat for the time being. But his "fans" expect him to bounce back anytime now! The biggest crime he did was that he paved way for other imbeciles to try their hands at film making!

C.A.M. 1:
Following the footsteps of Mr. Harishankar, registering a record-shattering 10.0 on the CAM Scale, and causing destruction the scale of Armageddon, is the one and only Mr. Santosh Pandit who is Numero Uno in our countdown. He shot to fame through his first movie for which he did everything except the role of the heroine's probably! Nothing much can be said about this "multi-talented" piece-o-crap, but you have to experience it all for yourself! You will, cos' he has announced 2 more movies now!!!

Disclaimer: All the views above are mine alone! And if you are mallu and have not heard about any of the above "personalities" then what kinda mallu are you? You, lucky you!!!


  1. How about Atlas Ramachandran? Janakodikalludu visssswassssta sthapanam.. :P

  2. ROFL :D dude prithivi raj married that bbc anchor supriya menon :D I was shocked :D

  3. @Saju: Haha! Gud point! He is also one unforgivable crime!!!

    @The Narcissist: Ya, and she registers about the same as him on the CAM Scale too, if you have seen her interviews!!! ;)

  4. I can only agree about Sreesanth..dono much about the others..but made me laugh :D

  5. supercool. u know what i like sreesanth only because of his bowling as u said but he sounds like a very humble kinda guy in interviews. well will go through the rest on wiki.

  6. @Ana_treek: Oh, u r so lucky u dont know the others!!! I envy you!!! ;)

    @factsandnonsense: Wiki cannot do him justice! U shud hear his interviews in Kerala channels! There is no bigger "Ahankari" than him!!!

  7. Everything except the role of the heroine's !! LoL

  8. @Cju: What!!! It is true!!! I think so ;)



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...